Welcome To Holland
byEmily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
I often wonder how many people truly understand our life. Then I talk to people on the phone(the few who didn't run away when our lives changed) and realize that no, they don't understand. Some don't truly understand, nor do they want to. They choose to know what little they want to know. They have decided to not be a part of Torie's life as much as they could. Well, that's their problem! Torie is a sweet little girl who loves to give hugs & kisses. If she sees you crying, she will try to make you smile. If you make a mess, she will help you clean(clean up, clean up! everybody do your share. she will sing while picking up with you).
People that choose not to know her miss out on learning who she is. And they will miss knowing a wonderful and caring person.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
more beach pictures
I got a surprise kiss! She is so sweet.
Torie and Daddy
A family pic
Torie and me just walking...isn't the water pretty?!?
Daddy walking Torie back to the hotel
Torie and Daddy
A family pic
Torie and me just walking...isn't the water pretty?!?
Daddy walking Torie back to the hotel
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Our visit to the Children's Museum
This was a cool machine at the museum. You loaded the balls in a tube across the room, and the air pressure sent them to this one. Here you loaded them into a different tube and sent them back to the first tube. It amused the adults as much as the children! lol.
Playing in the sand it her favorite thing, lol
Torie's weight on the moon. I think we should all go by this scale, lol!
I mentioned Torie's birthday had been just a few days before, so the nice ladies made her crown!
This was the cool bubble tire.
Torie thought this was cool
The S.C. Children's Museum even had the Magic School Bus!
Playing in the sand it her favorite thing, lol
Torie's weight on the moon. I think we should all go by this scale, lol!
I mentioned Torie's birthday had been just a few days before, so the nice ladies made her crown!
This was the cool bubble tire.
Torie thought this was cool
The S.C. Children's Museum even had the Magic School Bus!
We loved our trip there. And it was only $8 a person for unlimited fun. There were animals, a play area for infants, a music area, a cook area, dr and dentist areas even! They also had craft stations to make shirts! If you ever go to Myrtle Beach, you should really go here.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Just walking with daddy after doing family pictures
Torie's first time in the ocean.
She was telling me that the wave was coming!
She loved every minute of being in the ocean....I can't wait to go back!
Hold daddy's hands so she can jump the waves
walking on the boardwalk...she stopped and posed for the camera!
This was after the very long ride to S.C. Not too sure she was ready for pictures just yet!
So these are just a few snap shots taken during our first family vacation. Torie had a blast in the sand and the water. I had to just leave my camera in the hotel so we could play. Maybe next year we can visit Florida! I'll post more later.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
more words!
" I want to go watch Kali play soccer" from Torie in the backseat of the van last night. "you want to watch Kali play soccer?" I asked. Torie shook her head, so I said "ok, the next time Kali has a game, we will go watch, ok?" Torie replied "That's cool."
All the while I am sitting in the front seat, trying to drive and figure out where this huge sentence came from! LOL. For Torie, that was a big step. She is growing so much right now, starting to recall things that happened at preschool and tell me later. I love her stories...o and her songs! As we cuddle at bedtime last night, she sang to me! Torie is also praying more. What glorious words to hear from her!
All the while I am sitting in the front seat, trying to drive and figure out where this huge sentence came from! LOL. For Torie, that was a big step. She is growing so much right now, starting to recall things that happened at preschool and tell me later. I love her stories...o and her songs! As we cuddle at bedtime last night, she sang to me! Torie is also praying more. What glorious words to hear from her!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
go vote for vandy!!!!
xbox.childrensmiraclenetwork.org
Please go vote for Vandy Children's Hospital. They could use a great play room for the kids. These kids never get to play outside, or even go outside. Can you imagine that?!? Pretty scary thought if you have kids who love being outside, huh?
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
oo, I need to do another safety seminar
I found this on ivillage. It makes me miss teaching my lil dragons how to stay safe! I taught that subject at least 2 times a month. And I know my classes worked because parents told me when my students used their knowledge. I know it works. Parents-keep these in mind when going to the fair this weekend and next week. Don't let your kids out of sight,even if they think they are big enough!! Torie just turned 3 in July, but we are alread working on safety.
How to Teach Our Kids the Skills of Self-Defense
By iVillage.com on September 3, 2009 11:03 AM Permalink Comments (1) TrackBacks (0)
Kidnappings and sexual abuse have always been a parent's worst nightmare. This week our hearts go out to Jaycee Dugard and her parents. We can only imagine a smidgeon of their suffering. Our instinct is to keep our kids inside and watch them like a hawk, but it's crucial to keep things in perspective. The fact is, our kids are more likely to die in our bathtubs than be abducted. Only one in 500,000 children1 are abducted by a stranger. Most kidnappers are someone the child personally knows. In fact, research shows that 85 percent of kids found alive after being abducted did not consider their kidnapper to be a stranger. While there are no guarantees for our children's health and well-being, research shows that we can help kids learn simple safety tips so they will be less likely to be harmed. Though you may fear that talking about such frightening issues will scare the pants off your kids, not doing so is a big mistake. The secret is bringing up such topics in a relaxed way (just as you discuss other daily matters) and not to cover too many skills at once (as well as, of course, the kinds of safety know-how he needs at that point in his life). Here are a few safety strategies from my book, Big Book of Parenting Solutions, you can review with your child.
Keep close tabs. Know where your kids are. Period. Know their friends and their friend's parents. Have your tween get into the habit of checking in with you so you know where he is at all times. Consider purchasing an inexpensive cell phone with a GPS tracking device for a younger child, or a simple no-frills phone for your tween so you can monitor his comings and goings.
Teach "not okay" touching. Teach "private" body parts and the difference between "okay" and "not okay" touches. Then help your child to say "No!" if someone tries to touch him, or makes him feel afraid, uncomfortable or confused, and that he needs to get away as quickly as possible. Practice saying "no" using a firm and determined voice.
Emphasize, "No secrets allowed." Set a rule: "If any adult tells you to keep a secret, tell me right away." Discussion starters: "You can tell me anything, so don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed." "Remember our rule: we don't keep secrets if someone could be hurt. If any adult tells you to keep a secret, come and tell me right away."
Help your child recognize suspicious behavior. Instead of scaring (and possibly even confusing) your kids with the "Stranger = Danger" approach, experts suggest that a better approach is to teach kids to recognize suspicious situations.
Here are a few adult behaviors to teach your kids to be aware of:
• An adult asking for help to find his child or puppy.
• Someone who offers you a treat or present.
• Someone who feigns an emergency and says Mommy or Daddy is hurt.
• Someone who fakes being a friend of Mom or Dad.
Remind your child he can always ask a stranger for help but a stranger does not ask kids for help. Role-play suspicious situations such as these with your child, so he'll become more alert and can respond quicker if the real issue ever arises. Establish a family secret code. Choose some simple, memorable phrase like "geronimo" and then stress that the code must remain secret. The only ones who know are your family, a designated family friend or relative who is your emergency contact, or trusted individuals (such as a nanny or ongoing babysitter). When I deal with children I am picking up for rescue and escort them to a shelter, the first thing I tell the child is the secret code the child's mother gave me. I then instruct the child to not get in the car with me until he calls his mother on my phone, standing several yards from my car to verify this is the mother's request. Tell your child the same rule. Create a code via text. Create a secret message via text that your older child can use on his cell to reach you. It should be simple and short (123 or ABC) and should never be used for anything but a real emergency. A young girl two weeks ago in California was able to text her mother that she was in danger and needed help. Her mother called the police, had that phone traced and saved her daughter from a potential tragedy. Emphasize never meeting someone you met online. Forbid your child to ever divulge personal information such as his name (or yours), address, birthday or phone number online. Emphasize that your child should never, under absolutely any circumstances, meet anyone he has connected with by phone or online. Explain that someone posing as an 11-year old online could actually be a 30-year-old child molester.
Teach: "Drop, yell and run." If your child needs to get away quickly, teach him to drop whatever he is carrying (you run faster if you're not carrying something), yell and make a loud scene, and run. If possible, run toward an adult and yell, "Help! This is not my dad!" If he is grabbed he should fight back, scream and hold on to anything -- such as his bicycle handles or car door -- to make it more difficult for an abductor to take him. Emphasize that you never will be upset if your child loses something or hurts someone if he's trying to protect himself.
Review "trusted" caregivers. Encourage your child come to you and tell you anything. Also name specific caregivers your child should go to in case you are not available (a specific teacher, a relative, a neighbor).
Teach 9-1-1. Make sure your child knows how to dial 9-1-1 for help and that your phones are programmed with your number so your child can reach you. Remind your child repeatedly to never open your house door to a stranger. Never tell someone your parents are not home. If your child has a cell phone, program the speed dial for 9-1-1.
Any tough topic should never be a one-time discussion but an ongoing conversation. The key point to make is always: "Remember, I love you no matter what." Your child needs to know you are always there to help him whatever the situation may be.
Now go hug your child.
1One in 500,000 abductions are by complete strangers: P. Statman, On the Safe Side, NY HarperCollins, 1995, p. 21. 2National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) research found 85 percent of kids found alive after being abducted did not consider their kidnapper to be a stranger: Nancy Huehnergarth, "Danger Zone," Parents, Jan 2005, p. 155. Get more Parenting Solutions by following @MicheleBorba on Twitter.Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions. She is a leading educational consultant, national parenting expert, contributor to iVillage, adviser to Parents magazine, regular guest on NBC's Today show, and mom of three.
How to Teach Our Kids the Skills of Self-Defense
By iVillage.com on September 3, 2009 11:03 AM Permalink Comments (1) TrackBacks (0)
Kidnappings and sexual abuse have always been a parent's worst nightmare. This week our hearts go out to Jaycee Dugard and her parents. We can only imagine a smidgeon of their suffering. Our instinct is to keep our kids inside and watch them like a hawk, but it's crucial to keep things in perspective. The fact is, our kids are more likely to die in our bathtubs than be abducted. Only one in 500,000 children1 are abducted by a stranger. Most kidnappers are someone the child personally knows. In fact, research shows that 85 percent of kids found alive after being abducted did not consider their kidnapper to be a stranger. While there are no guarantees for our children's health and well-being, research shows that we can help kids learn simple safety tips so they will be less likely to be harmed. Though you may fear that talking about such frightening issues will scare the pants off your kids, not doing so is a big mistake. The secret is bringing up such topics in a relaxed way (just as you discuss other daily matters) and not to cover too many skills at once (as well as, of course, the kinds of safety know-how he needs at that point in his life). Here are a few safety strategies from my book, Big Book of Parenting Solutions, you can review with your child.
Keep close tabs. Know where your kids are. Period. Know their friends and their friend's parents. Have your tween get into the habit of checking in with you so you know where he is at all times. Consider purchasing an inexpensive cell phone with a GPS tracking device for a younger child, or a simple no-frills phone for your tween so you can monitor his comings and goings.
Teach "not okay" touching. Teach "private" body parts and the difference between "okay" and "not okay" touches. Then help your child to say "No!" if someone tries to touch him, or makes him feel afraid, uncomfortable or confused, and that he needs to get away as quickly as possible. Practice saying "no" using a firm and determined voice.
Emphasize, "No secrets allowed." Set a rule: "If any adult tells you to keep a secret, tell me right away." Discussion starters: "You can tell me anything, so don't ever feel embarrassed or ashamed." "Remember our rule: we don't keep secrets if someone could be hurt. If any adult tells you to keep a secret, come and tell me right away."
Help your child recognize suspicious behavior. Instead of scaring (and possibly even confusing) your kids with the "Stranger = Danger" approach, experts suggest that a better approach is to teach kids to recognize suspicious situations.
Here are a few adult behaviors to teach your kids to be aware of:
• An adult asking for help to find his child or puppy.
• Someone who offers you a treat or present.
• Someone who feigns an emergency and says Mommy or Daddy is hurt.
• Someone who fakes being a friend of Mom or Dad.
Remind your child he can always ask a stranger for help but a stranger does not ask kids for help. Role-play suspicious situations such as these with your child, so he'll become more alert and can respond quicker if the real issue ever arises. Establish a family secret code. Choose some simple, memorable phrase like "geronimo" and then stress that the code must remain secret. The only ones who know are your family, a designated family friend or relative who is your emergency contact, or trusted individuals (such as a nanny or ongoing babysitter). When I deal with children I am picking up for rescue and escort them to a shelter, the first thing I tell the child is the secret code the child's mother gave me. I then instruct the child to not get in the car with me until he calls his mother on my phone, standing several yards from my car to verify this is the mother's request. Tell your child the same rule. Create a code via text. Create a secret message via text that your older child can use on his cell to reach you. It should be simple and short (123 or ABC) and should never be used for anything but a real emergency. A young girl two weeks ago in California was able to text her mother that she was in danger and needed help. Her mother called the police, had that phone traced and saved her daughter from a potential tragedy. Emphasize never meeting someone you met online. Forbid your child to ever divulge personal information such as his name (or yours), address, birthday or phone number online. Emphasize that your child should never, under absolutely any circumstances, meet anyone he has connected with by phone or online. Explain that someone posing as an 11-year old online could actually be a 30-year-old child molester.
Teach: "Drop, yell and run." If your child needs to get away quickly, teach him to drop whatever he is carrying (you run faster if you're not carrying something), yell and make a loud scene, and run. If possible, run toward an adult and yell, "Help! This is not my dad!" If he is grabbed he should fight back, scream and hold on to anything -- such as his bicycle handles or car door -- to make it more difficult for an abductor to take him. Emphasize that you never will be upset if your child loses something or hurts someone if he's trying to protect himself.
Review "trusted" caregivers. Encourage your child come to you and tell you anything. Also name specific caregivers your child should go to in case you are not available (a specific teacher, a relative, a neighbor).
Teach 9-1-1. Make sure your child knows how to dial 9-1-1 for help and that your phones are programmed with your number so your child can reach you. Remind your child repeatedly to never open your house door to a stranger. Never tell someone your parents are not home. If your child has a cell phone, program the speed dial for 9-1-1.
Any tough topic should never be a one-time discussion but an ongoing conversation. The key point to make is always: "Remember, I love you no matter what." Your child needs to know you are always there to help him whatever the situation may be.
Now go hug your child.
1One in 500,000 abductions are by complete strangers: P. Statman, On the Safe Side, NY HarperCollins, 1995, p. 21. 2National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) research found 85 percent of kids found alive after being abducted did not consider their kidnapper to be a stranger: Nancy Huehnergarth, "Danger Zone," Parents, Jan 2005, p. 155. Get more Parenting Solutions by following @MicheleBorba on Twitter.Dr. Michele Borba is the author of over 22 books including the upcoming Big Book of Parenting Solutions. She is a leading educational consultant, national parenting expert, contributor to iVillage, adviser to Parents magazine, regular guest on NBC's Today show, and mom of three.
Monday, September 7, 2009
what a day!
Torie had a rough day, but really seemed to feel somewhat better tonight. We spent some time outside jumping on the trampoline, then walked around the block. Torie couldn't walk the whole way, but did try her best! She even tried to jog part of it. It was too cute seeing her trying to jog while holding Alexa's leash. Alexa's is the best dog for Torie. She is calm and follows along when I give her commands. Torie is learning the commands, and I have added hand motions for Torie to use so Alexa can understand. My goal is for Torie to have complete command of Alexa, but for that to happen, Alexa has to be able to understand Torie's communication, thus the hand motions.
on another note, is it odd that I woke up this morning and felt guilty for not being at work? umm hello we are closed today! lol. Things only added up from there, lol. I was baking BBQ porkchops for supper, when I burned my finger. Good thing I had the burn cream from the last time(mem wkend)! Then, as I opened the BBQ sauce bottle to add more, it exploded on me! Sauce was on the stove, me, my glasses, even the floor! It was funny.
Tomorrow is back to the grind. work work work. Anyone else looking forward to the fair? I really just like walking around the grandstands/food areas. I could totally careless about the rides, but could I convince Torie to have the same view?!?
on another note, is it odd that I woke up this morning and felt guilty for not being at work? umm hello we are closed today! lol. Things only added up from there, lol. I was baking BBQ porkchops for supper, when I burned my finger. Good thing I had the burn cream from the last time(mem wkend)! Then, as I opened the BBQ sauce bottle to add more, it exploded on me! Sauce was on the stove, me, my glasses, even the floor! It was funny.
Tomorrow is back to the grind. work work work. Anyone else looking forward to the fair? I really just like walking around the grandstands/food areas. I could totally careless about the rides, but could I convince Torie to have the same view?!?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
prayers please!!!
I often visit a message board on babycenter for parents with babies/children with heart defects. There's a family on their that has lost their 32 month old baby boy. He was born very early-not even 30 wks gest. He had a heart condition called HLHS, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. He passed away this past week.
I really have to say this scares me to my soul. Unless you live this life on a daily basis, you can only imagine the fear. The fear of the known as much as the unknown. Every hour can be one minute to the next. Right now Torie has this sinus/uri that is going around. While Paul and I have it to, we don't worry so much about our selves. We worry for Torie. These things can be so small for us, or they can be huge. We are monitoring her low grade fever, and listening to her lungs to make sure it doesn't turn into bronchitis. I am have never been to medical school, but have been to Vandy Children's and Mboro Medical Clinical several times. I know what bronchitis sounds like unfortunately.
So while several families need prayers for the ill, keep in mind the families that need prayers for their loss.
I also want to remind everyone of the family who had 6 babies last month. 3 of the babies passed away within the first week. They have 3 girls fighting for their lives right now. They are also very early gest. I have a link to the right for their journal.
Thank you all for your prayers for these families.
I really have to say this scares me to my soul. Unless you live this life on a daily basis, you can only imagine the fear. The fear of the known as much as the unknown. Every hour can be one minute to the next. Right now Torie has this sinus/uri that is going around. While Paul and I have it to, we don't worry so much about our selves. We worry for Torie. These things can be so small for us, or they can be huge. We are monitoring her low grade fever, and listening to her lungs to make sure it doesn't turn into bronchitis. I am have never been to medical school, but have been to Vandy Children's and Mboro Medical Clinical several times. I know what bronchitis sounds like unfortunately.
So while several families need prayers for the ill, keep in mind the families that need prayers for their loss.
I also want to remind everyone of the family who had 6 babies last month. 3 of the babies passed away within the first week. They have 3 girls fighting for their lives right now. They are also very early gest. I have a link to the right for their journal.
Thank you all for your prayers for these families.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
i promise....
i promise that as soon as I have Internet connect on my desktop, I will post new pictures. See, I normally work on pictures on my desk top to avoid any viruses. But my 7 yr old dell laptop as pretty much died. It shuts down whenever it wants,refusing to let me get online for more than a just a few minutes at a time. So, while I wait on Paul to start feeling better, I use his laptop to surf the net, lol. Hopefully by this time tomorrow Paul will feel better and we can get things going on the desktop. yes, I know it's not hard to connect the wires from the old to the new, but I have other things to get done first....like cook, laundry and figuring out how to drain the water from the dishwasher....Torie pushed a button or two, and it stopped in mid cycle. Any help? lol. gotta finish supper and then start reading my dishwasher book.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
What 3 things will you never give up, no matter how tight finances get?
Title says it all! What 3 things would you never give up,not matter what?
1. a car. I have to get to work, as does Paul. Even if we went down to one car(heck, I can always go back and teach karate-they already want me back anyway!)
2.making special treats. Torie loves helping me bake...doesn't every mom need someone to taste test it?!?
3.a good pair of tennis shoes. If my foot is inflamed from the nice anchor holding it together, I can't walk,which means I have problems going into rooms with patients.
so, what are your 3 things?
1. a car. I have to get to work, as does Paul. Even if we went down to one car(heck, I can always go back and teach karate-they already want me back anyway!)
2.making special treats. Torie loves helping me bake...doesn't every mom need someone to taste test it?!?
3.a good pair of tennis shoes. If my foot is inflamed from the nice anchor holding it together, I can't walk,which means I have problems going into rooms with patients.
so, what are your 3 things?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)