fun4four: Torie's story.....

sorry it has taken until today to add to her story. We have been crazy busy and getting well! So, I was filled with anger. I could not understand what was happening or why it had to happen. She was so little and just a baby.
Paul and I pushed through our fear and anger someway. I am not sure how we did it, but we did. We had to pre admit the day before the surgery, so we spent the entire Monday at Vandy. We even had one of their pagers so we could go eat while they worked on paperwork and make arrangements for us. We barely got a room at the Ronald McDonald house-we were literally about to leave vandy and drive back home for the night. i am glad we got to stay there though; we went walking that evening, just strolling along. But as night fell, I became so scared that I could not let go of Torie for anything. we had to do a pre op bath and use certain things during bath time. Torie didn't care-she loves the water no matter what! We cuddled so much that night. The next morning we made our way to the 3rd floor of the hospital. We were the first one's there, but it seemed like forever before we got started. Torie was SO hungry and wanted a bottle so badly, but I couldn't feed her. I felt bad but knew it would cancel her surgery. The nurses had to cath her to get an urine sample, and Torie faught back HARD. Poor thing. Then she went to sleep again. I was trying to let her sleep on the bed, but wanted to hold her so bad. Since she was alseep the crazy OR nurses decided it would be the perfect time to take her...I guess they were right but I wasn't ready-AT ALL. As they walked off, I burst into tears. I wanted to sit in the floor and cry. I actually felt my body crumble against Paul. Our wonderful pre op nurse gave him the tissuses and told me to take all the time I needed. I really did try to compose myself, but I am not sure how well I did. At that point, I knew the next 4-6 hours were going to be hell all over again. My baby was out of my reach and I couldn't do a thing about.
My family came along with a friend from karate. We all paced around the hospital-and to the pharmacy-poor Paul had woke up with pick eye!! Thanks for Dr Good and Delynne for calling in some medicine for him! So we made our back to the OR waiting area. We had received 2 calls saying how things were going. It had started off smooth. Then I saw him-Dr Bichell. But it had only been 3 hours-it was too soon. "Go back! Go back in there with Victoria!" I was SCREAMING in my head. "It's too soon-go back!" I looked at Paul and he looked at me. Dr Bichell made eye contact and came over to us. I remember standing and walking toward him. He smiled. "He's smiling-that has to be good right?" He said the greatest things I have ever heard from a doctor " It was not as bad I thought. I did not have to replace the valve at all. She did well and is in recovery." I almost jumped on him then and there-but I didn't. We talked for a couple of more mintues and then sat back down. We had several hours still before we could see Torie. I will con't with her recovery later. Right nw, though, I just want you to really look at her pictures. My goal is to help you realize what families go through. This disease kills more babies every year than the top 5 cancers COMBINE. Food for thought.

The day before my surgery