she's getting so big!

I have spent the past several days reflecting Torie's surgery. If I think about what we were doing 3 yrs ago at this moment in time, I can honestly say it scares me. It scares me to think about what could have happened, and what could still happen, what Torie's life will be like 10 years from now, and even 20 or 30 years from now. But at this minute, in real life, she is sleeping. I wish my cell pic was decent enough to post here. Torie was holding her Dora ball, and as she fell asleep, she slowly leaned onto the ball. the ball is now her pillow!! Torie was at karate last night and grabbed my hands are started singing ring around the Rosy! It was too cute! This was the very first time she sang the whole song all by herself. She is growing, and I love it. We are getting ready for a huge yard sale next weekend and Torie is 100% okay with getting rid of her old toys and what not. I even had to stop her from giving up her newest Christmas toys, lol. But I am proud of her willingly giving away things. I love planning Torie's birthday parties n advance...I mean, several months early. I had her 2nd birthday party planned 7 mos before her party! So of course I am already thinking of her 4th. I told Paul last night that maybe we should just go with Independence Day. Not just because her birthday is July and everything is about our freedom, but because Torie is becoming more independent! We put her on a scale the other day and she weighed almost 36 pounds! I was shocked. No wonder why she hurts my back!! I am doing my best to remember all the good things about Torie's time in the hospital. Yes, the first 48 hrs were full of scary times. But I met some wonderful people there! There was a little boy 2 rooms down in the picu. He was probably 2 or 3. He had no visitors. None. No family or anyone else. It was very sad. How could someone leave their baby alone like this?? Then it hit me...maybe the parents didn't have custody? The grandma next door asked me and I said I had no idea, only that I was praying for him as much as mine. Well, grandma asked the nurse! LOL. The nurse simply said he didn't have parents anymore....But he should have someone right? Well, no one ever came for him. The 3rd day in picu, he began crashing. The cardiothracic surgeon, the cardiologist and the residents all came running. The nurses closed off the hall and that little boy had emergency open heart surgery RIGHT THERE IN THE PICU!! I still remember the moment I realized what was happening. I prayed as hard for him and the doctors as I did Torie. The boy was still in the picu when Torie was moved to the cardiac floor, so I have no idea what ever happened to him. But I hope he is doing well.
Torie and I will enjoy the warm weather when she wakes up. My knee hurts and has a ton of pressure on it ( i have a pocket of fluid on my knee) but I am walking the block. and this time-I am carrying the Freeze + P spray! For those that don't know, a neighbor's dog tried to attack me last weekend. Thank God for Alexa (Torie's husky) who jumped between me and the attacking dog. She scared him away!! This time, I will spray it.

3 years

This is always a day for reflection. Reflecting how far Torie has came, overcoming a congenital heart defect, open heart surgery and life with Di George Syndrome. Today marks 3 years since we did our office pre op for her Tetrology of Fallot repair-her open heart surgery at just 8 months old. I can't help but remember spending all day with the nurse and staff, and the unforgettable time with the cardiothorasic surgeon signing her operative permit. yes, we give you permission to repair the whole in her heart, yes we give you permission to repair the muscle that is too think to work correctly, yes we give her permission to replace her valve with a cow valve..o wait, what? a cow valve? O, that's how you do it? O, I didn't realize....So, yes, we give you permission to put a cow valve in our baby girl.......
I remember squeezing Torie so tightly at those words. I made poor Paul sign the papers, telling him I just couldn't do it. I remember seeing my tears stain the paper on exam table. I remember the nurse ( who I still hug today when I see her) handing me a tissue. I remember thinking I was going to throw up...and I remember the fear. The fear has never left. It is always with me. We spent the night at the Ronald McDonald House. Thank God for that place!! I remember us strapping Torie into her stroller and just walking..and walking...and walking until we realized we were back at Vandy. So we just made a square path and kept walking until we got back to the Ronald McDonald House. Then we ate and cuddle the rest of the night. I kept watching the other people around us, wondering what brought them to the same place as us. If their loved one was a child or an adult? If they were feeling the same as us....I remember going to bed and just wanting to scream and cry myself to sleep.

warm weather!

Finally, some warm weather! We are getting the other house cleaned up and ready to sell. If you know of anyone who wants to buy a house, let me know! It's in town, 3 minutes from the hospital and about 7 from the plaza shopping center. We are also enjoying the sun. It was so nice to play outside this weekend. Torie got to jump on her trampoline and ride her tricycle. Actually, instead of riding hers, she wanted to ride Paul's old tricycle. She kept saying " I want to ride my daddy's tricycle." It was too cute.
I want to ask that everyone continue to keep Katie in your thoughts and prayers. She is still having fluid on her lungs. It seems like she will be heading back to Atlanta for another hospital stay. I am not 100% sure what all they will do, but I hope that it will only be a short stay. Katie is almost 4, so it would be wonderful for her to be back home and doing well by the time her birthday gets here!